Heather Forbes and Bryan Post look at the behaviours of Children of Trauma with a complete twist. A child who has been abused or neglected doesn't act out of anger or hate (the prevailing view) but out of fear. The posit that there are only two base emotions that of Love and Fear. With enough unconditional love (which brings peace and joy), the Child of Trauma can be slowly healed.
The book is an easy read with lots of examples that parents who have children with Attachment Issues will easily relate to.
On of the things that Bryan Post discussing is the need to bring your kids into "Relationship" with yourself. A big part of that is developing a state of being where you rarely (if ever) lose your cool and move into a reactive place.
A child who has never really experienced trauma naturally feels safe with his or her parents even when they get angry or upset. A Child of Trauma immediately goes into fight, freeze, or flight when a parent moves into a reactive mode.