From the Blogs - Friends and Family - Do They Understand
Sun, 01/18/2009 - 13:16
Sometimes it seems like your immediate support circle just doesn't get what it means to be the parent of a Child of Trauma. Little victories, that seem huge to you, are seen as "Yah, so what"'s but others. But you know better.
In the blogs I'm taking a little look at the why's.
Who do you use for support? Does your immediate circle "get it"? If so, how did you help them understand? If not, who do you go to for support?
Comments
When I talk about a tantrum it isn't what my friends talk about when they say tantrum.
Friends' Tantrum = Fussy or Our of Sorts in my house
Friends' Meltdown = Tantrum in my house
Friends' Devil Child = Meltdown in my house
I have taken to explaining to friends and family--think about a tantrum and increase it by 100% and add in very little visable remorse or fear of consequences. Then they sort of get it.
We use friends mostly for support as the closest family support is about 50 miles away.
I am raising my nephew's kids. He was living in Texas and I did not get to see the kids untill the oldest one was almost 4. When I met the girl we clicked right away. Just something about her that drew me to her. She wanted to stay at my house all the time. (which I let her) Then they moved back to Texas and was gone for about 8 months, then they moved back to Tulsa. The girl walked in my house and said Hi,AuntDebbie I'm home. She has been with me every since that day. She is now 10. When D.H.S. took the other kids and even the girl I became a legal guardian for her. Then I got her 3 year old brother. Wasn't something I had planned on doing after I turned 50. I was first a foster parent then a theraputic foster parent. This ordeal has torn my family apart. Some of them like me having the kids and some don't. My own 5 kids which are grown and some have kids of their own were very upset with me for doing this. But in time they have come to understand. They don't support me but understand. The support from the rest of my family is almost nil.
I have a friend that I talked into becoming a foster parent for 2 of the other kids. She has adopted them as well. Her family supports her to a point. The 2 kids she has does not have any problems so she does not understand the boy I have. My mother lives with me but she is from the old school and it really upsets her when the boy is disrespectful and or has a meltdown. So I hope this site will be helpful.