Parents of Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder

Often the most overlooked people caught up in the typhoon of Reactive Attachment Disorder are the foster or adoptive parents. The fostadopt parent has done nothing but try and bring a child into their home with the intent of caring for and supporting that child. The fostadopt parent has had nothing to do with the child's previous experiences which were often brutal and neglectful. These experiences have twisted the behaviours of the child into strange patterns that bear little resemblance to a normal child but have to do with the child's survival mechanisms.

So what does this do the parent? Parents of the RAD child usually appear angry, rigid, emotionally distant, and rejecting. Friends and family may feel that the parent(s) overreact to the child's behaviour. What they don't know is that these parents almost never have a break from the child's behaviours which can include:

  • Aggression and violence
  • Eating issues including stealing and hoarding food, food refusal, and gorging
  • Emotional issues including superficial charm with strangers, the ability to read other's emotions and push buttons, theatrical displays of emotion, and the incalbitly to give or receive affection
  • These kids can display anti-social behaviours like stealing, pathological and nosensical lying, they can destroy things for no reason, and they can be cruel
  • These children can show sexualised behaviours like seductiveness, they can act out with other children, they can engage in bestiality
  • Often their conscience appears broken with the child denying and blaming others, they may avoid eye contact, they often can't accept responsibility, they can show little remorse, they often will be verbally abusive
  • RAD children sometimes display bizzare behaviours like peeing on things and peeing themselves, they will sometimes smear poop, eating non-edible things, talking to themselves, hitting themselves, they may not sleep well, they may show fascination with fire and blood.
  • RAD kids are often sufferers of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and will present with dissociative behaviours, they will repress traumatic memories, they engage in self preservation activities in appropriately, they have trouble seeing cause and effect.
  • Often there are problems maintaining friends and they will make poor peer relationship choices.

This goes on day in and day out 365 days of the year. Parents themselves experience trauma from their child.

These parents find themselves feeling like rejecting the child. Sometimes there are abusive thoughts. Parents will find themselves feeling incompetant and inadequate. This can lead to depression. Finally, parents of Children of Trauma can feel like they are blamed and responsible by their child.

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Somethings working, need Advise for other

My husband and I adopted a girl with RAD from a residential treatment facility she was in due to her aggressive behaviors. We did visits with her for 6 months prior to her moving in last year and finalized the adoption this year. She is 12. After starting school here she was quickly put in day program due to her aggression and even the day program almost kicked her out. She made some improvement but not much and started picking up more behavious of the kids around her who were also aggressive. After being with her during this summer I decided homeschooling was the best option, I work half time mornings and gave a sitter come in with her during that time. This helps me prevent burn out, but I will say we have lost some sitters and had to call the police on her. The homeschooling has made a huge difference though. She still has violent out bursts, but each time they are decreasing in severity. It also allowed me time to really see what motivates her to do a requested task. Here is what has worked for us:
Focusing on improving one aspect of her character at a time. First we focused on disrespect for about three months, that has improved and now we are focusing on the lying. Not all the lying, that would be too big of a step as I'm sure you all can relate to. but direct lying where I ask her a yes and no question and she says a lie and there is evidence to show she is lying. Here is our system:
Each day she earn 3 stars which are magnets on the fridge and also written on a paper on the fridge. Her two loves in life are food and movies/tv. We have no tv, only movies she can watch on our lap top. To get to watch a movie it cost 6 stars. If she lies directly she looses two stars. i provide an opportunity for her to be honest when I am 100 percent positive of the truth. Example, she says she has completed her chores and there is a stack on laundry still laying on the bathroom floor in the same exact spot as the morning. I will call her and say, "did you sweep the bathroom floor? Remember lies cost two stars." If she lies, I will point out the evidence I have that she is being dishonest. I may say, " there is still laundry on the floor and I see dirt right here. So I don't believe you are being honest. This is not an adequate job of sweeping, if you did sweep, so do it again and I will watch and help you do it correctly." That night I will write down how many stars she kept on the board and the reason "1 star, lied about sweeping." The next morning she can read it. This helps prevent escalation from getting a consequence during the moment. Each night both my husband and I discuss how many stars she earned that day. If she asks during the day how many she will get I will reply that dad and I have to discuss it that night. This helps limit the triangulation some. To help limit the triangulation, when ever she says something that sounds slightly off I will immediately text or call the person and fact check. Then i will ask her in a yes/no question like "Did the sitter really hit the dog? Remember lies are two stars. I just texted the sitter and I will believe what she tells me." Once she is forced in to actually telling the truth (it took a while, and she even would say she must have dreamed it, but eventually it happened), I tell her good job and ask why she felt the need to lie. She never knows the actual reason but it makes her think about it. I also write next to the stars the good things she did that day, you can always find something good. I feel this has helped her cause and effect reasoning a lot.

With the aggressive attacks to anyone in the home I call the police and have her taken to the hospital. I tell her this will happen before hand. The reason the police are called we tell her is because we can not safely put her in a hold. We did try that and it actually increased the incidences and violence. No abuse is allowed to anyone, not us or her is the rule. We tell her we care about her safety so when she makes a situation unsafe it means we must call the police to come in to make it safe. She views it as punishment, but we we just keep telling her the fact, we love her and want her safe.
With the chores, she earns points which she can "buy" a variety of things. These points are never taken away. She can buy a snack with the points, after dinner desert, a 5 minute back rub (she is the over affectionate with all people type, but only on her terms), a toy, and so on. Most of the things are rewards that can be offered immediately, since she isn't into delayed gratification. Things that give her a sense of control, but things I would like to give her anyway, like a back rub or a snack ;)

Everything she shows she cannot be trusted with she is not trusted with, the TV, our bed room, computers, etc all have locks which she cannot access. When something is thrown it is now a "weapon" and no weapons are allowed in the house. It will require 6 months of no thrown objects to eat trust to get her thrown item back. We never back down from a rule, even when she threw all her shoes at me, they had to be put up, and she had to get a new pair of not so nice shoes. This has also seemed to help with cause and effect.

The thing I would really like is for her to always go to her room to have her out bursts. I feel like if she could program her self to go away when she's starting to get angry she would be less likely to injure others. But getting her to go there always I haven't had a lasting method that has been successful. The last time I counted off stars she would loose and when I got to 30 I was concerned she may never go so I called dad and sonehiw she went to her room. I felt the method didn't work but later that day she assaulted the new sitter again and when I was coming back home the second time from work, the sitter said she suddenly stopped tantruming and cleaned up her mess saying she was scared I would see her tantrum and remove more stars. So I will wait and see if that actually worked. If you have any other methods that work during the start of an out burst please reply and let me know.

I will say from the time she moved in to now she has improved really significantly. She use to screaming as loud as she could, when she would even bump her toe, for 30 minutes and not accept any comfort. If I was with her she would scream "I want daddy!" If he was with her, she wanted mommy, if we both were with her she wanted no one. The screams were really hard on the ears, but we would still sit there with her. The other day she slammed her finger in the car door, it was locked on her and it was bad. I Got it out and was driving to urgent care and She didn't scream at all, she just cried and started asking why this was happening to her. I realized she went from totally disconnected and screaming girl last year, to actually thinking and sharing thoughts during pain this year. What a huge progress!
We also keep all her point charts so we can view progress being made over time, this is encouraging. Now We even have her in supervised social activities that we can be present that last about an hour at a time and she can do it without inappropriate behavior (some invasion of space with others, but no violence)
I think what has helped most is I don't think I have to do it all. My husband and I tag team and I have a sitter while I work part time. Driving to and from work I can think about what is working, what isn't, and come up with strategies. I think having time away to look from the out side in is really necessary. Will she ever be "normal"? Who is really? But accepting that she is stuck right where she is at is a disservice to her. Everyone can grow and their brains change, every person can improve themselves. We may not be able to fix all their problems, but we can tackle one at a time and help them have a better future and grow.

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Hello my name is phillip vera I want to give a special thanks to the Spell caster that helped me got my partner back. Early this year, Myself and my Partner started having some issues and left me and the kids even when i loved my partner so much. I was frustrated to the extent that i started looking for links on the internet on how to get my partner back. One day i came across a testimony in which a lady was testifying of how this Dr Okedi helped her get her man back i was able to contact this Dr, i told him all my problem and also told him that i wanted my partner to come back to me, exactly just as i wanted my partner is back to me and we are living happily again, Dr Okedi helped me put everything in order and my Partner came back to me just as i wanted. this Dr is great if you know you have any problem here is his email address

Parenting RAD kids

And some people don't understand that this disorder get WORSE on holidays. The day that everyone looks forward to are horrifying for the parents of kids with RAD. So if these families need to do things a little bit differently don't yell at them. Don't tell them that they are giving into bad behaviors. There are things going on that you don't know. Just look at them (even if you don't get it or agree) and tell them that you love them and will help them ot no matter what because that what true friends do.

I know of 2 children that are

I know of 2 children that are twins who are 6.The state has placed them in the foster home of the grandparent. This person has slapped 1 of children in the face, is not consistent on taking the children to appointments, favors 1 child over the other (the boy over the girl). Withholds love and affection, makes them act older than they are, and as of late come to find the young boy is made to sit down when urinating and use toilet paper when done. I have reported my concerns many times to no avail. The children already suffer from PTSD and other trauma. My question is why are the foster parents not put through more assessments to become foster parent? Kids don't need anymore abuse in their lives.

Being a foster parent....

I can speak for most of the foster community when I say we are put through rigorous hoops to become licensed. We have assessments, background checks, monthly visits, unannounced visits, etc. So I don't agree with your statement. People are human and while slapping a foster child (or any child) is unacceptable, it doesn't apply to the foster community as a whole.

They're not put through

They're not put through rigorous assessments when it's a kinship placement. That grandparent may be a kinship placement and not certified foster. Even though that 3rd person party is calling the grandparent a foster, they just may be ignorant to the difference.

That sounds awful! You can

That sounds awful! You can call that in to your state's department of human services or child welfare. They have a hotline number that you can find online. If you let them know, they can do a proper investigation.

RAD Teenager

Hi I am step parent of my husbands adopted daughter now 14.Although always challenging she changed almost overnight after we moved house. Aggressive behaviour, constant running away, stealing knives, self harming, obsession with boys, eating everything in the house. She was taken into temporary care for her own safety and now social services want her to come home but nothing has changed when she has come on visits. We cant cope!

Stepparent adoption

Ours is so cunning that people tend to believe her and think we are terrible to her. Good luck

Has anyone of you experienced

Has anyone of you experienced the beahiors influencing the younger children? Like a trickling effect?
I have a step son who is gone 3 days a week at grandmas, and when he is gone my kids (4 and 2) are well behaved and calm. When he comes home his behaviour seems to be picking up now in the younger ones... is this common?

Me too!!!!

I have the same thing. My step-daughter has RAD. My 2 yr old is a sweet and loving girl, but when her sister is here it's another story! My LO has picked up my SD weird language! " I think" is said in front of everything. Im so exhausted!

Has anyon of you experienced

YES!!!!! The younger ones copy the behaviors EXACTLY!

Has anyon of you experienced

YES!!!!! The younger ones copy the behaviors EXACTLY!

Are there any support groups in MD?

My wife and I adopted 2 girls and both are gone. We recently learned of RAD/ SAD and the characteristics fit our girls nearly to a "T".

I have lost 2 internationally

I have lost 2 internationally adopted teens.. I am hanging on to threads. They are in control. I panic when I have contact and then I'm broken when they go. I didn't understand about RAD and wish I had known sooner. I am a single adoptive mum and they were my world. My family believe I caused them to go and I was not a good parent.. they continually advise me about how to manage them and of course my teens are different with them .
7 years on IVF ..and such a longing to be a parent... all gone. My sister is surrounded with enriching family and I am alone.. I stare at her facebook page with kids and grandkids and joy and celebrations and I feel so sick. Even my ex husband ( had an affair and went off after 24 years).. believes I am the one who has the problem.
I disagree, RAD and the fracture when my husband suddenly left the family was the problem when they were just beginning teens.. I was left with angry reactive and traumatised children who had already been abandoned and there Dad had upped and left....

I was the nurturing enemy and was the punching bag. I love them so much but I am beginning to see I have no family! I can't fix it.

I'm so sorry...people are

I'm so sorry...people are often judgemental coffee the parents of RAD kids. They gave no idea. Is there a support group you can join?

*of the ...not coffee.

*of the ...not coffee.

I read all these comments and

I read all these comments and I think......did I get on here and right about my life and I didn't even know it. It is amazing to hear that we are all going through the exact same thing. RAD has such marked symptoms no different then cancer or any other disease. It was wonderful to read the comment by a person who had struggled with RAD and is now counseling RAD children and their parents. There is no one better qualified than that. I do have to say.....the moment that you stop trying to change, fix, and save your RAD child you will not believe the burden you will be relieved of. Can you make a Down Syndrome child normal? No, you learn how to parent a child that will always have Down Syndrome so that they can have as much of a happy and productive life as they can have. Even when you first start devouring all the literature on RAD you will find it hard to parent in the way that is advised. It seems to be so foreign, cold, and unloving, but what we truly don't understand is that truly loving someone, is loving them based on what is best for them, not how it makes us feel. I am learning to: Stop asking and expecting. Remove all personal offense and feelings of betrayal. Throw all guilt and anger out the window. I hope this helps someone.


I have been dealing with this as a single mother for 12 years. As a mom of a master manipulater, very charming to all except for me and my daughter. The best tool I found to protect myself and to show that I'm not being abusive and what hell we are going through. I installed security cameras with sound. I have used it to protect myself from the lies and to show the true daily hell we live in. Not the fantasy world my son tells people. I would encourage every family with a rad child to do.


I have just been through hell because of the niece I took in with attachment disorder. She has accused us of abuse twice and now the second time (to her teacher) she was taken from our care. I have had to give statements to the police and defend everything I have ever done. I feel violated and so upset I can't even begin to describe this. If you are parenting a child with attachment disorder I advise you to cover yourself because I never thought this would happen to me. I now have to move because this child was still allowed to go to school and told everyone I had bashed her and now I was going to be arrested.

OMG what a nightmare

OMG what a nightmare


I just told my husband last night I'm purchasing a baby monitor! That truly is the BEST thing every family can do that deals with this disease called RAD. Thank you! Thank you!

New to RAD

Hello, my newly adopted daughter has RAD and we are just realizing it and I am now in the process of trying to learn how to parent her. What books and tools did you use to help you? You seem to be in a place I am hoping to get to as soon as I can. Thank you!

Find a good counselor that

Find a good counselor that you and your child trust. The parenting is counter to traditional parenting and is not intuitive.

My husband and I have three

My husband and I have three biological children and 4 adopted, three of which are my husbands niece and nephews. All four of our adopted children have RAD. We fostered for approx. 15 years and almost all of our foster children had RAD, also. It has taken me 15 years to finally understand, accept, cope, and begin healthy parenting my children with RAD. Unfortunately, my youngest biological daughter and I did not escape without being totally traumatized. What finally clicked in my (our) brain that is now helping to direct us down the long road to health, is characterized by one foundational word, EXPECTATIONS! I can no longer be tricked by the voice in my head that wants me to parent based on everything, but what is right in front of me and real. I no longer parent based on bitterness, doubt, anger, guilt, fear, and family and peer pressure, which all resulted from my expectations! My husband is totally involved and in complete agreement, but (as we all know is the case for fathers most of the time) he has not suffered as my daughter and I have. This can be one of the most debilitating and loneliest journeys a person can be on. I used to feel this was a punishment from the Lord, now I know he is doing a work in me through them.

wow, I totally understand

wow, I totally understand what you're saying in the end... My husband and I feel like the Lord placed my 2 adopted children in our lives for a reason, but there have been many times I questioned if we made a mistake, because it was affecting the rest of us so much (we have 2 bio kids also, 1 with high functioning autism).
just today I had to pick up my daughter from daycare early, because her teacher left last friday and she has a new teacher. I tried to talk to her about it before school today, but that broken attachment reared it's ugly head and she not only kicked her teachers & friends, but knocked stuff over, ran away, threw her shoes at the director and screamed like a mad woman. when I picked her up she slapped me 3 times (mind you we 've had her 2 yrs and she has never done that). Just when I think we're making progress, she takes 2 steps back. i'm really worried about Kindergarten next month...

This is certainly a shocking and a genuine comment

After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me. I felt like my whole life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Oye, whom i met online as I was browsing through the internet, I came across a lot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Patty, she testified about how he brought back her husband in 3 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Oye's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 72 hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Oye, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve your Marriage problems for you. Try anytime, he's the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: I am so happy to have my husband back again

I am so glad I found this web

I am so glad I found this web site. It is very difficult being a parent or step parent of a child with this diagnosis. I have a step daughter with this diagnosis. My husband and his family have been less then supportive. They seem to think that an adult should be able to handle any child. They don't understand the manipulation that happens in these relationships. I have watched my step daughter sit happily in the middle of the whole house crying and arguing over something that she manufactured. I found the only way for me to survive was to take myself out of her triangle. I seem to be her target. I have had poop on the walls, pee dumped out of a 2nd story window on me, she lets my dogs out of the backyard i Had to sleep with our twin sons until they were old enough to tell her to leave them alone due to her trying to touch them inappropriatly. My step daughter is 18 and 6 feet tall she is 2 times my size. So again I took my self out of the triangle and it seemed to work. It stopped the arguments and the instability in my house turned around,This lasted for 5 years. She can't manipulate if you arent a willing participant. Thats what I thought.....WRONG. My step daughter recently was put on a 5150 hold due to suicide thoughts. Now I have a social worker telling my husband that all my stepdaughter wants is a relation ship with me and I won't even say hello. Why won't these people listen? I am really afraid for my life. I don't know when this ends or how to get the help she needs. I am tired.


I have 2 adopted Teens and I am a single adoptve mum. My 2 nearly adult RAD children have lied manipulated, abused and broken contact playing me like a kitten with a ball of string because they know I want to see them. I have learn't to be passive, keep in touch from a distance. and not expect anything..When with them, I am tentative and waiting for the next abuse or rage.. Its a little like get in quick and get out before they punch( figuratively)..I had a nasty divorce.. result of an affair and they prefer my ex and his new partner..

I won custody, but both ran away and ditched me in their teens and went to my ex ( after smashing walls, raging at me and ignoring me) ...My 2 were internationally adopted at a young age.. one is gregarious, alcohol dependent, charming , loud and very cruel.... the gorging is unbelievable... My other teen is withdrawn, hardly speaks and has been involved in drugs (LSD, ICE, Weed...) He has broken all contact.. says he has no feelings for me.. He roams free at my ex's and lives in his room..

My family does not understand and I feel very isolated.. My 2 children were very loved, treasured and cared for with so much tenderness. They were very much wanted after 7 years on IVF and extensive operations. My mother now has read about RAD and is beginning to understand, but I have struggled for nearly 20 years with no other support . I have been treated as if I cannot parent my children by my own family.... everyone has advised me and not listened to me nor validated my feelings.

Please, if you have young children with this condition or just adopted children, understand that you will have issues of some sort. Learn to not put your life on hold. You cannot fix this... you need to protect and care for yourselves as well as your children. You are important too and have a right to survive and be happy.. Don't leave it too late.

I understand

I am in the same kind of situation. It's hell!! Get the social workers out of your life! Trust me they wi not believe you! I was accused of abuse. Protect your other children, she will hurt them out of jealousy and just to hurt you!

Amen. Good luck to you as I

Amen. Good luck to you as I am about ready to walk after 9 years. My other 2 children and myself have suffered from reports of abuse, wondering who is next. It's amazing what master manipulators they are, and with no regard for anyone but themselves. It is truly tragic.

My son is 16. We adopted him

My son is 16. We adopted him aged 5 and were not aware that attachment disorder existed until we involved 'Afrer Adoption' Team. RAD was never mentioned but much of the comments here fit our sons behaviour so much I'm actually stunned. We have asked for some temporary respite but they are adamant that they work to keep him in our home environment and whilst I get their sentiment I can honestly say that this 'home' has broken down, husband gone as he is frightened he can't continue to manage his anger, it's like a prison with doors locked and keys jangling, calculated actions designed to make me feel threatened. Didn't mean to write so much but commented as I'd thought social services input was going to save us, do they not recognise RAD symptoms?

You need a child counselor

You need a child counselor who specializes in RAD. We had 3 before we found the right one for us. The counseling is mainly for YOU. They help you to help the kid...and stay somewhat sane. It is rough. Make time for you and your spouse.


I also have a RAD step child and am currently looking for a support group with other step parents/parents who have RAD children who have little support from the biological mother/father. Do you know of any that might help the both of us?

Support for step parents

if you've found something I'd definitely be interested in hearing about it!

Anything Positve about RAD

First of let me apologize for being chipper and sounding motivated. I am and I only recently figured out what our child's challenge is. Your right I haven't been worn down yet and I have only been dealing with this for 1 1/2 years. I am sure everyone starts off motivated and ends up just barely surviving. I am a realistic person and have a pretty good idea what is coming.

I am hoping to here some positive attributes about kids with RAD that parents have successfully diverted there RAD kid into doing.

I have experience much of the same. And have recently found out my foster to adopt son has RAD. We are in it for the long haul. But frankly this is scary stuff and to here you talk like it never ends is really sad. I hope we will find the help we need and luck out with the severity of his RAD. I dont think we are going to luck out but things are constantly getting a little better.

We are looked down on by most parents and the system as being to quick and short with him. For me that has been the ticket. No warnings for stuff he knows is wrong. And having the conviction of following through every-time. Sometimes getting my but off the couch ten times in an hour is more than exhausting, but I am committed to helping him break through this.

Also do any of you know about any classes for child restraint that I can get certified for. CPS said I cant restrain my child even though he is hurting himself or others. That I should try talking and more counseling. They actually encouraged me to build a safe room for his 4 hour fits of rage. When I can simply restrain him and have him through it in 10 minutes. Anyways I know they are going to tell me I cant do it anymore as he is telling them he cant breath. When he is in restraint he is constantly yelling and screaming at me to let him go. No real breathing problems, my ears can attest to that.

I am hoping to here some positve attributes about kids with RAD that parents have successfully diverted there RAD kid into doing.

Positive things about my son
Creates wonderful things out of nothing
He paints amazing things
Recognizes beautiful things no matter how big or small
Can hike and hike and hike. Like me.
Loves the outdoors
Loves to build things
Loves to paint and sculpt and carve
Really good at school
Really smart, this is borderline bad thing.

At least we can say we are Rad parents, even though we dont feel like it most of the time.

Has anyone found a home were we are safe to talk our problems as Rad parents and get some ideas on new things things to try on our Rad kids.

adopted son

Hi! I read your post about your son. The list of strengths you recognize with your son are wonderful - your son is smart, imaginative, artistic, and loves beauty of all kinds. This profile sounds a lot like one of my adopted daughters.

We have three adopted daughters who are all turning 15 yrs. old now. The daughter who fits the description of your son (except for the good at school part) we adopted when she was five yrs. old. We had years of counseling for her, patiently dealt with four-hour long tantrums with drool and another two hours under the bed. We helped her as she learned English, not to hoard food, to trust the consistency, and accepted her for the beauty she had and hoped she would be able to become happy and peaceful. It took a leap of faith in this international adoption, and I am so happy we looked to the future. Today she is a very good and avid reader (even with fetal alcohol effects), is kind beyond measure, and has a fantastic imagination and artistic ability. In her junior high, there was a "superhero" day. Our daughter said, "I think I will go as a peace super-hero."

I think you have exactly the right attitude. This scared, RAD little five-year-old child of ours who lived on the streets and was raped many times, is now a gorgeous, delightful teenager. It took six years for her to let us touch her. After nine years, she would initiate small interactions such as "good morning!" It has been an interesting and challenging road - but so rewarding, and she has enriched our lives tremendously, as have our other daughters. And write down those strengths you listed in bold color and stick this list on your refrigerator. This acknowledgement of strengths will help you a great deal in the "long haul."

Find solace in the day, the future is just a day at a time. Take care.

Yes, it is very difficult to adopt children that have much trauma. It is never really "behind" them, but with the strengths your child has and your optimism, commitment, and awareness, you can help him in so many ways.


Just commenting on your question about restraint. I find it interesting that your CPS said you are not allowed to restrain. We had Family Based Services for 8 months and that's a lot of what THEY did. Lots of physical restraint. Freakin' traumatized my kid more!! Now as far as training, we had Family Base show us how plus we had a class through out foster/adopt agency. Best of luck to you.

Read this book "little Sugar Addict"

I have found with my own daughter that sugar & food coloring have been a big role in my daughters behaviors. Please check this book out it is worth a try. I adopted three girls whom they said all have RAD!!!!!!!! My husband & I have been through a lot we adopted the girls when they were 6, 12 ,15 & yes we have been through A lot, thank god our faith has kept us strong. My daughters are now 10, 16 & 19 our 19 year old is now living back with her bio family & our 16 year old has been in intensive treatment program & my 10 year old well she has a good foundation because she was living with us since she was 2 1/2 but she acts like she is 3 to 5 with her temper tantrums but they mostly happen when she has gotten into sugar & food coloring. It is the hardest thing to find foods without sugars but we work really hard at it & I know people don't understand but she gets angry & talks back & is very nasty hen she gets her fix of sugar & it doesn't come from us, she goes to public school & even though we pack her stuff & school knows that she cant have it she seems to find away to get her hands on it, but the school has really been helping in stopping these stealing behaviors because its more then the stealing it the fact that she doesn't even think right when she gets hold of the sugar. I have been told its like a addiction for her. All three girls where born drug addicted, so maybe this is just a addiction. Regardless it affects her in ways that is so hard to explain. Please if you are struggling in this area it cant hurt to try to see a difference with your child off the sugar for awhile & see if this helps, I bet it cant hurt to try, but yes it is a hard diet. good luck, and GOD BLESS

What do you do?

I am a step mom to a RAD daughter. Her mother was depressed and neglectful for the first 6 months of her life and left shortly after for another. She has been in my daughters life sporadically since. Meanwhile my husband worked grave yards entrusting the primary care to his parents who he also lived with until we met and got married when our daughter was two.
She is now almost 7 and we are burnt out. At first I thought the possesive behavior over her father towards me and her fits were the need to get used to me. I thought her commands to me "Stay out of Daddy's room (also mine) were the result of her grandparents giving into her every whim. I realized 2 years ago there was a problem when she could not handle a simple disappointment and broke down for 2 hours, kicking, fighting and screaming.
My husband takes care of both of our children, our daughter (my step, honestly but we have full custody so she is my child) and our son (4), while I work to provide for them. We no longer derive any joy from our relationship with her. All I see is how she is lying to me, manipulating her brother, and acting in many different ways to different people, being fake. Her teacher sees an extremely intelligent and respectful student. Her mother sees a little girl who is sweet and concerned about others. However her mother is starting to see some behavior that we have dealt with for years.
She recently threw a fit in a restaurant becasue she couldn't play with the claw machine. Her mom took her out and had her calm down and return to the restaurant where she got her favorite foods and dessert. We would not have done that. For years we have given her a consenquence when she acts like that whether it is a time out, no dessert, no movie or fun project. Obviously she perfers her mothers to our home which kills us because we love her and we have done so much to protect her and try to help her. Knowing that she was diagnosed with RAD destroys my husband because he feels he should have done better to protect her.
Is her mother, who I find to be repugnant, grossly irresponsible and manipulative (she has paid child support to my husband 3 months out of the last 18), handling our daughters condition better than we are? (Her mother told me recently that our daughter gets to do more with her, but that is because she makes her "earn more". I don't see a screaming fit in public as "earning" anything.) Should we give in more often or will that simply reinforce our extremely inteligent daughters manipulative behavior, as I think it would?
What would you have done? Please, any one, I need help. I am tired, frustrated and am sure, appear as Cinderella's evil step mother with my "harsh rules". My husband has lost hope for her to ever be better and of him ever having the bond he thought they had. Thank you.